Monday, October 24, 2016

Divorce: Glad or Sad?

In the last few days (before writing this post), I came across two posts on divorce that caused me to ponder it. The first was a post from someone who posted on the importance of marriage with a comment underneath that no one will like or share this because everyone has bought into the idea that divorce is okay. The second was the announcement The Divorce is finally done. 

When I saw the responses to the second post, I had to wonder if the first guy wasn’t right. There were a group of congratulations, about times, and even a veiled hint from someone to “give me a call.” If I remember the situation correctly the person had a valid scriptural reason for the divorce, but my concern were the responses. All of them were celebratory. No comments about “I am sorry you went through this,” or “I’m praying for you.” Yes, it might be a relief to no longer be connected with someone who has done horrible things, but at one time there was love and a commitment to be together forever so shouldn’t there be sadness?  

What really got me is that I did want to post, “I am sorry you had to go through this,” but I knew it would be as well received poorly (by others, I doubt the person who originally posted it would have been offended). 

The question I have to ask myself is how should I look at this? 

The Bible makes it clear that God didn’t want divorce. We wanted a virgin couple to get married and stay married. When it is done that way, and both parties act as God wants them to, marriage even in a fallen world is wonderful. The problem is, of course, people don’t do things God’s way and trouble ensues. Many times both parties are at some fault, and occasionally only one member is at fault (this is claimed more often than it is true and dismissed just as often as being false. It does take two to tango but we aren’t talking about dancing.) However, no matter the case there is pain in breaking apart what was intended to last forever. 

Looking at divorce as if it was cancer, we may be happy that someone is cancer free but we never say, “I am so glad you got the opportunity to have cancer” or “aren’t you glad you were able to have the joy of getting Chemotherapy.” We also never say, “Smoking gave you that cancer but I hope you don’t quit smoking,” or “That diabetic coma nearly killed you, but I hope you keep eating the same.” No we are glad the person survived but we hope they find out what caused the problem and they never have it again (explaining what this means when it comes to rebuilding a life after divorce is a post for another day) but to be clear we never want this for anyone, if we care about them. We should be sad but are we. Or to be more personal, Am I? For me, the answer is: “Yes, I am saddened.”

If your reading this you have to decide for yourself, I can’t do it for you. I believe though if more people thought of divorce as a sad thing than a glad thing, perhaps, there would be less of it. 

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