Do you want them to have power over you?

 I created this image a while back and was reminded of it today. We often forget that when we don't forgive other people, we give them power in our lives. They are with us all of the time. They influence our actions, our emotions, and direct our decisions. The person who hurt us is now controlling us. Yes, they have done wrong, maybe even criminal things but now we are giving them more power. It isn't right and it isn't good. Common sense and science say this is bad for us and very destructive, but people do it all the time. I know I have.

The solution is to forgive. We have to let go. This isn't saying there aren't consequences or even broken relationships, but it does mean we let go of the anger that wants to control us. What I have found too, is that once you forgive you can deal with the problem more clearly.

There is a lot more that can be said here but this is just a blog and hopefully, an inspiration to help you learn and do more.  

The Lord is Our Refuge, which we forget about.

 The story of a big companies executive buying a vacation home and never using it is nearly a proverb. They have a retreat, a place to go to, and then rarely use it. How could such a thing happen? The answer is they are too busy. Taking time to rest isn't high on their priorities. Besides, what would the board of directors say if he actually took his six weeks of vacation and wasn't available?  Forget the board of directors, what would you think?

I'm going to make an observation, we don't make heroes of those who take a lot of time off. Yet we see God instructing people to take one day off a week doing nothing. We see loads of special holidays where celebrating and resting were encouraged. He also told them to rest the land for one year out of seven, for farmers that meant a lot of time off.  Jesus often, and I mean a lot, took his disciples away from the crowds to rest. Yet, a pastor taking weeks away during the year and being unavailable at least one day a week would be considered unacceptable. 

Over and over in the Psalms and throughout the Bible the Lord is called our refuge or high tower. A refuge is not a place to attack from, it is a place of defense. it is a place of safety. We sing about God being our refuge and yet rarely do we go to him and rest. Let's be honest and say if we see someone resting a lot we call them lazy rather than faithful. 

Understand I'm not encouraging people to sit back and doing nothing. I do think we work and rest as if what is happening in the world or in our churches depends on us more than God. Reflect on this, I know I am.

Don't ask for forgiveness, apologize.

I'm sorry!

 I was reading The Grief Recovery Handbook by James and Friedman and came across a section on forgiveness(pg 139-140).

Their words caused me to think again about something that has bothered me for a long time---Someone coming and asking that you forgive them.

They make the point that if you have done something wrong, that you need to do something about it not the other person. They say that you should apologize not ask for forgiveness.

They are correct.

The problem is that what is usually being asked for is not forgiveness but a "get out of jail free" card. The person wants the other to say they will not hold whatever it was against them.

The scriptures say not to ask for forgiveness but to be reconciled to your brother (Matthew 5:24).

What are you really saying when you ask for forgiveness?

Would you(not me) forgive(since you are holding this sinful attitude) me(the great person trying to make everything right)?


Think about it...and just apologize. 

Pharisees, Sadducees, Publicans, and Sinners

Who are they? Who are we?

The church in its various forms (liberal and conservative) makes fun of or criticizes the Scribes, Pharisees, and the Sadducees (the religious communities of Jesus' day). They often uplift the tax collectors and sinners. Who are all these people and who would they be today?

 

I notice, however, that usually the ones they criticize don't look like them and the ones they praise are the ones they say they relate to the most. I want to be honest before I go any further and say in my understanding of the times, I would have been a scribe with a Pharisees background, not particularly high up but definitely better than others by the social standards of that day. Thankfully there were scribes and Pharisees who came to know Jesus though we don't hear about them much, just the troublemakers. I would hope I would have fallen into the group that recognized Jesus. 

 

So, who were these people? What is their equivalent in today's world?

 

The Pharisees: The conservative knowing there was a right way to get things done. They had rules and knew how things needed to happen. Of course, some of their rules gave them permission to disobey God's law, but since they loved the law, it was okay, at least in their minds. Their thought was it was their way or no way. Just to clear something up, someone could be a political progressive and still have the attitude of the Pharisees because they believed they were the only ones who were right and persecuted anyone who disagreed. They gave to the poor, but only because it was commanded and to look generous to those around them.

 

The Scribe: These were the educated people, the writers. They had the knowledge of their day. They were usually experts in transcribing words. They could be either Pharisees or Sadducees in their background. They probably wouldn't like being told they didn't understand something. They definitely knew they were better than the average man.

 

The Sadducees: These were the liberal or pragmatic people of their day. They used the religious establishment to get ahead but didn't believe much other than what they could feel or see. They moved with the politics of the day to get an advantage and to prosper. They controlled the highest place in the Jewish world, the temple (this might be the colleges and denominational hierarchy today). They moved with the tides of the day. On a side note, it was probably these who made sure the welfare of the day was given to the Jewish needy in Jerusalem. They were good people, just ask them.

 

The Sinners: These were the outcast. They were not liked or welcomed in polite circles. The sin they committed could have been their own or their families and it could have been once or ongoing. The sin was also what was considered a socially unacceptable sin (today it might be racism, greed, or intolerance). If people don't move away from you when you enter the room this isn't you. They were often a lonely lot.

 

The Publican/tax collectors: These people used the legal and economic system of their day to get rich on the backs of others. No, they weren't the capitalist of their day, because you can find them in socialist societies also. They used the system the law provided to line their pockets. Taxes had to be collected and they collected them with the backing of the Roman soldier but took extra just because they could. In the West today, they would be the Payday lenders, the Credit Card Company and Student Loan Executives, the sweatshop owners, Leverage bankers, the Stockbroker, and the CEO of companies who take advantage of their workers. They were the villains of their society.

 

The Masses: These people followed whoever they liked best or gave them what they wanted. They followed Jesus until he called them to make a commitment.

 

So, who are you really? How do you see people, not like you?

Remember, Jesus loved ALL of these people. He spoke harsher to some, but he loved them all. Do you love them all? Will you forgive them like Jesus commanded?  

Lewis on Forgiveness

I was doing some other work and came across this quote from CS Lewis the author of the Chronicles of Narnia and many other books He said, "To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."

This quote is good because it reminds us how much we have been forgiven.

How much is that? Your sins (and mine) could be paid only by the crucifixion of Christ. Killing Jesus is as inexcusable as it comes.

Here are the questions? Do you believe Lewis is right? Do you always feel Lewis is right?

Forgiveness the next step

I started praying for the man that I believed murdered my Grandmother but I did not do it with much conviction. After a time the prayer, “God, I don’t want this man to go to hell forever” became easier. It was then that I felt God direct me to pray that the man would go to heaven. This is a sense was not any different than what I had been praying for because if he isn’t in hell then the man would be in heaven.

I knew for that to take place God would have to come into his life and make him a new person, but still. Praying that he does not go to hell was one thing, but praying that he went to heaven was another. So I started once again praying without any enthusiasm.

You might have already guessed that after a while the pray became easier. I knew that for him to go to heaven he would have to have a relationship with God and that as I said before would make him not the same person he was.  Now mind you, I knew this but I had not yet prayed that he become a Christian. 

You guessed it, that prayer was next. The problem was God was not content to have me just pray that he becomes a Christian. Oh No! I felt that God wanted me to pray that he becomes a “brother in Christ.”

Now let me tell you this was a long way from grudgingly praying that the man did not spend eternity in torment. 

I looked at it logically. If I was praying that he did not go to hell and that he went to heaven then the only way for that to happen was for him to become a follower of Christ. If he was a follower of Christ then scripture teaches he would be my brother. So logically praying that he did not go to hell was the same as asking God to make him my brother. 

Logic only helps so much.

So I knew what I had to do. I had to pray that God makes him my brother in Christ. 

It was not easy but it was what I needed to do to get to the place where I forgave him for what he did.

The question that remains in the minds of some of you is how does that forgiveness work itself out.

Not like most people have been taught....but that is for my next post. I have written enough for most people to cough on. I do not want to choke you. 

The question you have to ask yourself is, “Am I willing to try and forgive?”

Remember that if you do not forgive, you are giving that other person power in your life. I do not know about you but I do not want a _______(fill in the blank) to have power in my life.

 Photo by Todd Trapani on Unsplash

Forgiving the first real steps.

 After I learned of my grandmother's alleged* murder. I knew I needed to forgive the person, but I did not know-how. I had never before faced such anger in my heart.

So I asked for help.

I prayed to God and asked him to help me, to show me how to forgive. I admitted that I did not want to forgive but knew I was commanded to in scripture.

 I did pray more than once. I needed to because God knew at first I did not want an answer.

Finally, God spoke. Now you have to understand it was not an audible voice but it was God.

Here is what God asked me-- "Do you want him to burn forever in eternity?"

"Yes" was my first thought, but I knew that was not the Christian answer. So I admitted it to God and myself.  "I shouldn't want him to."

That was enough and God gave me the first step.--"Pray that he does not spend eternity in Hell."

So that is what I started to do. I have to admit that I did not pray it with any enthusiasm but eventually it got easier. Finally, I could pray the prayer with some(not a lot) conviction.

I really did not want him to be tormented forever.

Why did this begin to change me?

I started thinking about good for him rather than evil. I did not realize it at the time but now I can say this is the reason my feelings began to change. Dr. Enright a secular expert on forgiveness points out we have to change the way we look at people if we are going to forgive. 

The core reason why my feeling changed though I did not understand then. It was because I was looking at this man differently. I was willing to try to let God change me.

If you do not want to even try then this will never work. 

(but of course, this was not the end of the story)

*I use the word alleged because he was not tried for the crime as the prosecutor picked the strongest cases to prosecute. If in future posts, I leave out the word alleged I ask for pardon because in my heart there wasn't an alleged crime there was a crime.