Go ahead and weep

 “I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”

Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, “Lord, who will betray you?” Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?” 

Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.”  John 21:18-22 NTL

What is that to you?

I have noticed that Jesus never promised that he would be fair by our definitions of fairness. Actually, God is pretty unfair, by our definitions (the same to everyone) throughout the Bible. We see this as we read Hebrews 11 where at the beginning it lists miracles and blessings and then the writer of Hebrews lists others who weren't saved, provided for, and who died horribly. They weren't even named. This seems so unfair, not only did they not receive a miracle but their names seemed forgotten or unimportant enough to even list. 

Of course, they aren't forgotten and though they didn't get the miracle in this world they do get something better in heaven according to the Scriptures but for now... It stinks.

Perhaps this is why God, inspired so many complaints in the Psalms. He knew how we would feel and God's okay with that. I'm working through this struggle as I write this. It's hard. I want to cry, Correction, I have cried out to God this morning after a morning dream triggered a panic attack in me. 

THIS ISN'T FAIR...WHY?

God listens and He's okay with where I am.

Next week I will continue this thought but for now, I want to stop and say to you. It's okay to ask God why but no matter the answer and especially when there is none, keep following. It's okay to feel disappointed for a time and I'm giving it to you now. 

Go ahead and weep.